Well, I am back. (I
hope anyway, with the duties of being a wife and home schooling mother of 6).
It is time to start my long awaited journey to
self-improvement.
There is always something in our lives that can use a bit of
improvement. I am not doing this because
I am unhappy with who I am, entirely.
Rather, it is because I came to the realization that there is always
room for improvement. This realization
was brought to my attention thanks to my wonderful oldest daughter. She is a typical 16 year old daughter. In a family conversation after our evening
family devotion she said, "I don't want to be like Mom!" in an
eloquent teenage manner (anyone who was a teenage daughter, I am sure knows
exactly the tone I am talking about).
Needless to say this particular time this statement was like a dagger to
my heart. It was not the first time that
any of my kids had said this, but prior to this moment I always just ignored
it. I mean really what teenage daughter doesn't feel that way about their
mother (I know I did).
I began to really look at how I felt about my mom. While she did plenty of things that I
disliked, she also did many things that I admired. After the feelings of guilt I had from the
way I felt about my own mother, I came to the realization that my own daughters
don’t have to feel this way about me. It
is possible to by the type of mother that my daughters want to be like.
This became my hope and desire. I decided that in order for me to make this
possible I had to share my feelings with my husband. After all no one knows me and our children
better than he does. He is the only
person that could really help me do this.
I had already confessed to my God, this desire of my heart, now I just
needed someone close to me to help hold me accountable and point out the
behaviors that I needed to work on. All
I have to say is, Thank God that my husband loves me because I am not one to
take criticism or correction well.
Now, all I had to do is decide when and where to start. So I decided that Lent was a good time to
start, since our family tradition is to pick a behavior/habit that we want to
change or improve and add something positive we want to start. Sounds like a good time to start this,
right? Next, what do I need to change or
add to my character?
Goal #1: Live
harmoniously with everyone I encounter.
For me this mostly meant not having to be right or even heard. I needed to learn how to withhold my opinions
and beliefs unless it was absolutely necessary.
However, this goal was liberating believe it or not. It took me relying on God 100% (lots of time
in His Word).
Goal #2: Let my actions, and my words be one and the same. It seems as though lately I was really
struggling with this particular issue.
This also required my reliance on God.
Praise God! I made it through the first 40 days of my
mission, but the best part is that God honors obedience and I have made it an
additional 21 days and counting. So now
I think it is time to add a new goal into the mix. This new goal is to get back into good
shape. I want my self-improvement
transformation to be a total person (mind, body, and soul) transformation.
I am still a work in progress, but it is comforting to know
that God is not finished with me yet.
